“Carpenters bend wood. Fletchers bend arrows. Wise men fashion themselves.” Buddha

“Ignore people who say it can’t be done.” Elaine Rideout

Have you decided on a habit to change and fully considered reasons to do so? It’s important to note that stopping a bad habit is only part of the process.

Last week, James Prochaska’s Pre-contemplation and Contemplation stages of change were talked about. In this blog, his   next steps, Preparation, Action and Maintenance will be discussed.

Preparation:  

You have considered, in Contemplation, what you stand for and what is it you want to model for others. You have considered how your bad habit challenges your integrity. The very fact you label it “bad” indicates it is contrary to something you stand for.    Now is the time to connect your meaning with your plan.

What plan will you make to stop the old and/or implement the new?

Generally we need new rituals, new habits to replace the lost ones. The more positive rituals, positive habits we have in our life, the less space for the negative.

For instance if, when stressed, we can teach ourselves to take deep breaths, soak in the oxygen, stop and notice how the body feels. With practice  the new ritual  of  taking deep breaths, stopping and relaxing during stressful times is created. Eventually we will do it without thinking — it just becomes natural. 

 I remember a friend who planned to stop smoking. Part of his plan was to carry no money. One day he was traveling and without thinking stopped to buy a pack of cigarettes. When asked to pay couldn’t; he had no cash. He was reverting to smoking without thinking but had anticipated that problem; He didn’t have money to buy even one pack. He has been a non smoker for 20 years. So in your plan to stop your habit answer: “What will I do when I am tempted to go back to the habit?”

Consider your habit — the times of day or an event triggering a run to sugar, or playing on the internet; make a plan to address that time. What will you  do instead? These triggers and fatigue contribute to when we are most likely to revert to the old routines.  

 Can you find a partner to go down this new road with you?  Years ago when I started my exercise habit, it was in part because Denny and I decided that we would complete a nine mile run. The commitment to each other made a difference in producing a good habit, that in hindsight I had weakly attempted for 7 years; I have now exercised regularly for 33. Include intermittent rewards for progress. Don’t use a reward that is contrary to what you are trying to establish — i.e. don’t buy a candy bar to reward passing up sugar.   

Action: Sometimes we try to start here. It is hard to do without a plan. Set a date. Go public and tell people what you are going to do. Then step over the line and begin. Remember to celebrate and reward progress.

Generally it takes about 21 days to form a new habit. It’s really not that simple. Sometimes it takes longer. Progress is not often smooth; it’s hard work. Progress is often three steps forward and two back. 

Get people in your life that will help you. Hang out in environments that encourage progress. When I began exercise, it was helpful for me to hang out at the Y.

The opposite is also true; we know that people who abuse substance, and continue to associate with others who abuse substance, are much less likely to be successful in stopping. As noted in an earlier blog “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. Choose your friends well.

Maintenance:  You have the habit going. Don’t be over confident. It’s still possible to take steps back. What will you do to continue to reward yourself and  how will you be with people that encourage your new habit?

I was challenged recently when I left my employment of 33 years. Lots of rituals had been built into working in one place so long; the habit of exercise was intermingled within those work rituals; I thought regular exercise was forever. A new schedule and new freedom challenged that. It was important to adjust how exercise would fit into my new life. So far that has been done, but the confidence that I would just do this forever was a bit eroded. I continue developing the new rituals of private practice to include exercise as part of my routines.  

Don’t give up. You have determined what you want to accomplish is important. Hopefully you fully addressed that as you contemplated the change. Interestingly smokers are some of the best at stopping. It happens all the time … yet generally they are not successful until the 3^rd or later efforts.

The challenge, it seems, is if this effort fails, learn from the setback and try again — sooner rather than later. Good luck with your efforts.

I’d love to hear of your challenges and successes. Just leave a comment at the blog or go to the contact page and submit the form.

Changing for Good by Prochaska is worth reading.

Bill

Experts like to call alcoholism the disease of denial, but that applies to most any problem.
James Prochaska, Ph.D.

One by one they will do you in; they are bound to take control.
Jimmy Buffett “Bank of Bad Habits”

 Consider for a moment your bad habits and if you are interested in stopping one or more? Do you know why you continue with a particular habit?   What new habits do you  want to develop but can’t seem to start?

James Prochaska, author of “Changing for Good, writes on six stages of change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, planning, action, maintenance and termination.      In this blog, we will look at the pre-contemplation and contemplation in relation to stopping bad habits or starting good ones.

It is important to note bad habits often start by providing some positive function.  While we look into hoarding households and see chaos, the mess did not happen overnight. Hoarding for one couple started with two “needs”. The female shopped and bought items she felt her family needed. She felt good meeting that need. Eventually, she was buying and felt momentarily satisfied with shopping, though was no longer buying for need.    

The addictive shopping provided a “rush”, but was no longer taking care of her family. It was fulfilling her desire to feel better for the moment. She convinced herself of the need.

The husband, on the other hand, wanted to make the most of what they had. He saved; he was reluctant to throw away, thinking of another use or perhaps repairs. Item by item, day by day, they failed to notice the amount of stuff gathering in the house; they overlooked the way they were living.  

When the crisis happened, a threat to lose custody of their children, they finally paid attention.  With emotional turmoil and professional help, they simplified their residence.

Bad habits start slowly, as the story highlights; they may at the   beginning have had a positive purpose. Similarly, the bad habit of continually washing hands may start as a good health habit. Or an Internet gaming starts as a diversion but becomes hours on end spent mindlessly.  

At what point does a new skill become a bad habit? How can we pay attention? Paying attention is the key.

A woman has rotten food throughout her home. She doesn’t smell it; she doesn’t see it. In the same way, smokers don’t notice the burns in their clothes, the smoke stink in the house, people avoiding them or the discoloration of their teeth. It is just out of their awareness. Bringing the costs of the bad habit into awareness, then becomes step one.

This, according to Prochaska, bringing it to awareness is the pre-contemplation stage of change.  You know a behavior is present and consider that it may be a problem.

Think about a bad habit you have. What are the costs in time and distraction from productive activity?  Stop to consider the down sides of your behavior. Write down specifics on what it is you do.  Measure particularly the duration and frequency. If you think this habit may be worth taking positive action, you are moving from pre-contemplation to the contemplation stage. Maybe you will consider making a further change.

Next week, next steps.

Bill

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” Anais Nin

What do you feel upon hearing some of the current political advertisements that may have upsetting tone or content?  If you get upset, do you know what happens to your physical and mental health?

Once again it is time to exercise our democratic prerogatives by voting. This right comes to fruition this week as the dark side of our thinking is also highlighted.

Politicians and their representatives often demean the opponent. These last two years, while seeming particularly nasty, offer nothing new. The opposition has a growing desire/ability to speak of opponents as if they are evil; as if there is intent to do what is inherently designed to wreak havoc with our city, county, state, or nation. Some ads are full of lies with rather mean spirited voice, not meant to inform, but rather to scare.

The point of view that either Sarah Palin or Barack Obama is evil, or trying to do evil, is not worthy. Both, and other politicians, are in fact humans that we sometimes disagree with yet often go overboard in our thoughts and statements to make that disagreement clear. 

From the perspective of our mental health, this continual agitated underlying thinking is not healthy. It creates in our body an ongoing low level production of adrenaline, cortisol and glucocorticoids that, when produced in continuous abundance, are not good for our physical or mental fitness.

It creates in our body this stress that is as if we are being attacked by a lion. The fight or flight response, at a low but near continuous level, is a known contributor to high blood pressure, diabetes and a variety of other physical conditions. Of course, if we are perpetually mad, it is also a contributor to depression and anxiety.

In our democracy, speak your mind as a loyal and patriotic person. Don’t be Pollyannaish either. We may recognize there are some politicians that have taken advantage; we must then speak up and remove them from office and in some cases send them to jail.

Think about this: Have you ever created in your mind catastrophes about what will happen if so and so wins? Then, when they win, there really is not much different in your day to day life. “It will be awful” we tell ourselves, if so and so wins. We feel bad when our candidate loses, but life goes on and we can try again in 2 or 4 years. This is the beauty of our democracy.

The rest of this story is that politicians are just humans, doing the best they can, some of whom happen to have a different way of solving problems than the one you may prefer.

Take an active and healthy role in our democracy. Keep elections in perspective and you will have a more robust mental well-being.

Be respectful, agree, disagree but VOTE.

Three Good Things

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitudes. Victor Frankl.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

In last week’s blog, you were introduced to Authentic Happiness and its exercise “Gratitude Visit.” How did you do writing your letter? What was your experience? Have you considered reading it, in person, to that person?

This week you will be introduced to exercise two: Three Good Things, which will demonstrate your ongoing improvement in happiness.

You might wonder “why bother” beyond the fact that being happy sounds more pleasing. Seligman reviews in Authentic Happiness that happier people are physically healthier (including lower blood pressure and healthier immune system), live longer, get over distress more rapidly, have a richer social life, more close friends. are more altruistic, and more productive.

Following are the steps for Three Good Things:
The first night you will take two scales (about 10 minutes total): Satisfaction with Life Scale and General Happiness Scale. Complete and score them. These provide a baseline rating of your happiness. You can compare your score with others and later retake the test to see the how much your happiness increased.

Access: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

1. Set aside five minutes each night for the next two weeks, preferably just before brushing your teeth.
2. Prepare a pad of paper with one page for each of the next 14 days.
3. Then think back over the previous 24 hours and write down, on separate lines, at least three things in your life that happened that day that represent something for which you are grateful.
4. Answer in writing, the question “Why did this good thing happen for me?” or “Why did I deserve this?”
5. Repeat the Life Satisfaction and General Happiness Scales on the final night, two weeks after you start, and compare these scores to the scores of the first night.
6. If this works for you, keep incorporating it into your nightly routine. You have begun to successfully influence, in a positive way, how you think.

Give one or both of these a try. Please share your results on this blog.

Bill

“Don’t worry, be happy” Bobby McFerrin

Dr. Martin Seligman and colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania are researching aspects of Positive Psychology in part to discover what works to make ourselves happy. Seligman’s goal is to “increase the total tonnage of happiness in the world.”

Beginning research has identified three tasks that consistently make a difference in increasing happiness and diminishing depression in people’s lives over extended periods of time. The early winners are: a) The Gratitude Visit, b) Identifying Three Good Things, and c) Using Your Top Strengths.

The Gratitude Visit is an assignment that Seligman encouraged for sometime but only recently researched. It consists of considering someone (teacher, coach, relative, or friend) from your past that had a positive effect with you or was particularly kind to you, and you’ve never expressed to that person the gratitude you feel.

The first task is to write a letter that fully expresses gratitude to the person. The second step is to deliver the letter personally and read it to the person. The reading of the letters is often moving for both people.

Three months after the exercise the readers had substantial and lasting benefit of greater happiness and less depression as compared with a placebo group. Seligman did not research the receivers but many moving and grateful responses were reported.

Consider a person in your life with whom you might do a Gratitude Visit. Chances are it will be useful for both parties.
Seligman discusses The Gratitude Visit in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyLYgR2nDkc&feature=related

You can be part of Dr. Seligman’s research by registering at: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

The Authentic Happiness website also lists a variety of free tests you can take to learn about yourself and how you compare with others

Next week’s blog will cover the results of Identifying Three Good Things.

Bill

“In one ear and out the other, don’t you get criss crossed, I recommend you try a little mental floss.” Jimmy Buffett.

Buffet again has this clever line that makes some sense. What is mental floss? What can we do to clean out the “plaque” in our brains? Here are three ideas:

1. Find a way to recover from the stress of your day. We often say we want to relax…then just do more. You can start with meditating or relaxing — sit in a quiet place to calm your mind on a daily basis. One way to do this to follow your breath. Close your eyes and pay attention to breath with the idea of doing it for at least 10 minutes; do not look at your watch until you know the time is up. When you mind throws to you the problems of the day, think “oh well” (“In one ear and out the other”) and go back to the breath. You will get back to the problems soon enough and be refreshed to boot.
2. Perhaps the opposite is to mind storm. This is brainstorming by yourself. Write out a specific concern you have and come up with at least 20 options. Do not restrict yourself by saying “that’s too stupid” or “that will never work”; when you do this, creativity stops. Combine ideas and when done, pick one or two that have the most appeal and begin to apply the ideas to your concern.
3. Get another perspective. Share your concern and ask for ideas. As with mind storming, don’t start by telling the other person what will or won’t work; instead look for ideas that clean out the plaque. You want a fresh view. Talking to the same persons you have always talked with is unlikely to produce different thoughts…reaching out for different ideas is a key here.

So get to it, clean out plaque on a regular basis. As Buffet says at the end of the song, “don’t forget to floss every day”.

Please share ideas you might have or use to do “mental floss”.

Bill